Email from John this morning with regards to him attempting to park this morning. Fat lady steals his spot, hilarity ensues:

“This morning, I came upon a woman piling her rug rats into the car, so I pulled ahead and waited. It took a few moments, maybe 4 for her to get everything situated and start to pull out. My reverse lights were on and, as she pulled away, I started to back up. Just then, a woman pulled front first into the spot (it was on the end of the line of cars, so doing so was possible). I sat there for a minute, watching in moderate shock. This really happens? This isn’t just a funny Seinfeld episode. FML. I then backed up and rolled down my window. ‘Excuse me, I was waiting for this spot.’ Her response, ‘how am I supposed to know that? Is there a fucking (she started the swearing right off the bat!) sign with your name on it here?’ At this point, I became furious. My next line: ‘How are you supposed to know that? BECAUSE YOU HAVE 2 HUMAN EYES THAT YOU SUPPOSEDLY USE TO DRIVE AND SEE SHIT WITH! It’s unfortunate that, at your age (approx 55), you haven’t learned common courtesy or the basic rules of driving’ She then gave me the finger and told me to go fuck myself. I responded by, in a very calm voice, telling her that she was a ‘fat bitch’, which was awesome because she was, so I was just making a factual statement. I finished up by telling her that I hoped she had a ‘lovely day ma’am.’ Her mouth was a bit agape at this point and she had no response. I win. I win double because I found another spot not 20 seconds later. Awesomeeeeeee! ”