Posts Tagged ‘fail’

Bermuda Triangle of Productivity

Monday, January 17th, 2011

How to be the Worst

Thursday, December 9th, 2010

I’m not pretending like I was a stud at any point in my life, let alone my prime, but I’m nearly certain that just not talking to girls is better than being this guy and/or using any of these “openers.”   Pretty sure these are all guaranteed ways to get shut down, I honestly think you’d have a better chance skulking in the corner of the bar leering at pretty girls than approaching someone and saying this shit.   If you are a girl and you get picked up by a guy that looks like this, and/or says shit like this, I want you to know: I hate you. A lot.

UPDATED: Okay I just watched the entire thing, and not sure whether or not I should feel bad since this was obviously created by a very religious person and aimed at obviously equally religious people. Can I still make fun of it? Eh, whatever, guess I’ll go with it, definitely not the worst thing I’ve done in my life, if this puts me over the edge than I had it coming sooner or later anyway.

Also the intensity of his stare during the third “opener” is a little creepy. Not the mention the big brother / little sister thing.. unless I’m wrong, ladies does a guy acting like your big brother turn you on? I hope not.

Spam Comments, a Collection

Sunday, December 5th, 2010

This post is dedicated to all of the spam comments that my website filters have caught over the years. Creative, useful, and topically pertinent, these deserve to be highlighted. Also, I can’t wait until my post on spam comments gets a spam comment.

Let’s go!

On my Idiotic Recruiting Post, Pozycjonowanie says:
There are so many lessons we can believe in. The suggestions are constantly grave base ofinformations

Thanks for stopping by, Pozcjonowanie!

One of my emails to Andy posts, fotograf?a slubna kraków says:

It is truely nice post, but I do not see everything completely clear, especially for someone not involved in that topic. Anyway very interesting to me.

I bet the character set of my browser didn’t recognize all the letters in your name slubna but I’m glad you enjoyed my post, despite any confusion arising from probable language barriers and not knowing who my friend Andy is.

Quick post on AOL Fail, Pozycjonowanie comes back with:

Conclusively I found what I was searching for!

So you were searching for AOL fail?  I’m certain my site wasn’t the only result you found, but maybe you were still browsing my site from earlier, judging by your previous comments.

One of my New Music Friday posts, Erich Renno chimes in:

Noticed your Webblog bookmarked on Reddit.I appreciate your web blog and marketing and advertising tactic. Verify out my Farmville Guideline if you get yourself a moment.

Glad to see I made it onto Reddit, though I have no idea what this post has to do with advertising or marketing, since nowhere on my site do I have either.  And no, Erich, I don’t have a time to verify out your farmville guideline.  Wait a second, is that sentence even English? What the fuck does verify out my farmville guideline mean? Did you just insult my family?

One of my most popular posts, Youk vs Eric, has reader new era hats expressing their opinion:

Happy Thanks giving y’all!
your article help me to knowthat how to get  red bull hatscheap.
[link removed from red bull hats]

Glad Eric getting in a fight with Youk helped you find cheap Red Bull hats! And happy thanksgiving to you too! Though your name sounds suspiciously like a company.. oh well, you seem friendly enough, I’ll go with it!

Unrelated to my post about Shamwow, Filmy Online just had to write a comment anyway:

Today, I went to the beach front with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She put the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is completely off topic but I had to tell someone!

Glad I was that person, Filmy Online. Hope your daughter is okay!

And finally, on  my article on the C’s trade for Robinson a while ago, sprzedaz domu warszawa says:

What plugs will you be by means of to quit unsolicited mail? We’ve TONS of spam from the remarks on my blog page. Cant eliminate it :/. Akismet fails in most instances.

I actually do use Akismet as one of my filters for spam, and you know what really helps it catch illicit comments? Horrible grammatical incorrectness and apparent lack of understanding the English language.  So in this case, I apologize that it caught your comment as its clearly not spam.

I originally planned this as a one time deal, but I only got through pages 1-4 out of 36, so I have a feeling we’ll revisit this topic again in the near future.  And always remember, spam is good for you.

South Carolina Averts Disaster

Friday, November 5th, 2010

Here is the original email, a while ago, from Andy, along with my follow up in light of the actual election results this week. Both videos are equally amazing. First, the email:

South Carolina Destroys Democracy, Self.

This story’s so insane, I can’t imagine you haven’t heard anything about it, but in the event you’re ignoring the goings-on in South Carolina politics, here’s the rundown:

So last week, South Carolina’s Democratic Congressional primary was won, handedly, by a guy named Alvin Greene, a man that literally nobody had ever heard of. Turns out he’s 32, unemployed, lives with his parents and was discharged from the military under questionable circumstances. He also did no campaigning or advertising, does not own a cell phone or computer, has no campaign staff, no platform, no website and no explanation as to how he came up with the $10,400 required to get his name on the ballot.

But that’s not even the best part. He was also recently arrested and charged with “obscenity” for showing pornography to a college student for absolutely no reason.

But despite the fact that they’ve never heard of him, have no idea what he stands for or why he’s there, the retards in South Carolina awarded this man the Democratic nomination with a startling, baffling 60% of the vote. To put that into some kind of perspective, that is the equivalent of a political landslide: he didn’t just beat the other candidate (an actual politician), he demoralized him. He ran him into the ground. I can’t even imagine how baffled THAT guy must be.

Initially, there were questions as to whether the election was crooked, and he was a Republican “plant” (given the 10 grand to throw a wrench in the whole election). Completely reasonable suspicion when you see this: an interview he did with MSNBC; if you haven’t seen it, I assure you it will blow your mind.  [RE: videos following this email]

Keep reminding yourself that this man, who for all intents and purposes is [completely useless] (or an actual houseplant), is running for senate. Frankly, if it weren’t for a billion gallons of oil destroying the fragile economies and ecosystems of several states, this would HAVE to be the biggest story in the country.

The ultimate reality of this is, whoever they elected would be destroyed by the Republican incumbent anyway, so this is all just theater, but I literally am bursting with anticipation waiting to watch that debate.

Initial, pre-election video:


Follow up after the election:


Browsers

Thursday, November 4th, 2010

Sites really don’t support Chrome still? WTF? USAirways is a bucket of fail anyway, I was conned into taking them to Philly next week because I didn’t notice they were operating the flight I was booking. (my own failure). Anyway, their site doesn’t work in Chrome and they are one of many I’ve come across over the last few weeks. How can people ignore this browser? Maybe the percentage of people viewing my site is skewed toward the technically inclined, but I have to believe this is still a significant number:

7 Photographic Sins

Thursday, October 28th, 2010

Okay so I might be guilty of a few of these myself, but they are mainly spot on, and should stop showing up in my facebook news feed.  If anyone is more bitter about life than me, its the Oatmeal, so I’m glad to have him around.








My Type of Bar

Tuesday, September 21st, 2010

Dancing in Traffic for the Loss

Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010

Idiot guy dances in traffic, hilarity ensues.  I’m blatantly stealing this from barstoolsports but it isn’t often that a video makes me actually “lol” and this one did. I’m assuming he isn’t dead, even seriously injured I’d probably still be okay laughing at him. Anyway, I’ll go on the assumption that he is fine, and enjoy the hell out of this video. Nothing makes me happier than seeing stupidity actually lose out except combining that with bodily injury. I’m going to go watch this six more times now.

Roberta Gets a Job Offer

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

Good Afternoon Roberta,

My name is Gibby Maramis and I am one of the recruiter for CoWorx Staffing Services in Dover, NH. We are currently recruiting for a business development (lead generation) position. I would love the opportunity to talk to you about this position further. Please call us back at (603) 834-6002!

Thank you so much,

Gibby Maramis
Account Manager
40 Chestnut Street, Suite 2B
Dover NH 03820
Phone 603.834.6002
Fax 603.834.6006
gibby.maramis@coworxstaffing.com
“Together we’re better!”
www.coworxstaffing.com

I’m assuming this is a template email, so the fact there are grammatical errors in it is even more awesome. Anyway, I was feeling pretty cranky at the airport waiting for my flight when I wrote my response, perhaps I was too harsh given the fact she is probably a recent college grad who hates her life already? Maybe she will find the sarcasm amusing? I’m guessing she doesn’t even read all of it and quickly moves on with her life.

I’m not sure who Roberta is but I sure hope this position is still available despite the fact my name is actually Robert and I’m a male! It sounds awesome! Can you give me more details? I’ve always wanted a job in the middle of nowhere New Hampshire instead of downtown Boston where I currently live and work. And how did you know I totally want to leave my high tech security consulting position for entry level sales?? I’ve been dying to ditch my stock options, flexibly hours and nearly infinite supply of learning experiences for a chance to cold call my ass off all day. You’re sourcing must be exceptional and very carefully coordinated.

Can you please tell me how CoWorx (<– the intentional misspelling with the x is awesome, totally speaks to me and my extreme nature plus relates to my generation’s intolerance for complete sentences and general grammatical malice!) got my information so I can make sure to completely wipe my name from that database?

K thx bai!

-Rob (erta)

Goodbye AT&T

Monday, July 19th, 2010

Hello Sprint.

After years of struggling to do basic things like send a text message, check my email, open a website, etc on AT&T I finally hung it up. I’d been with them since I was on Cingular and they merged, I bought the first iPhone and despite its shortcomings, loved it. But with the arrogance of Apple and their faulty new iPhone (I knew I could have gotten a bumper to solve my issues, and would have, but it was the principle of it) combined with AT&T’s massive failure of a cellular network.. I jumped ship to the EVO and haven’t looked back. No more being at sport events or concerts and having Katie’s Katana (flip phone on Sprint) be able to text and make phone calls while I’m left with a $600 paperweight cause the network is too congested. And don’t worry, she is getting an EVO as soon as they are in stock.. even though the Katana (shing!) is a bad ass phone. Pretty excited to be able to actually have service when it says I do, and for everyone that says Sprint sucks, in the last week I’ve been to middle of nowhere Maine, Boston, Northeast Ohio, Phoenix and around MA without any issues. Oh, and I pay $70 for unlimited everything. And I almost forgot, I’ll have 4G a year before any other provider throws it out there. Anyway this is all not the point of my post, I just had an awesome conversation with AT&T, breakups- they are always awkward, and wanted to write it down before I forgot how great it was.

I called in to tell them I was canceling my account, find out what my ETF was and make sure I don’t get billed anymore. The lady then asked why I was canceling. Oh man, where do I start. Told her I had an iPhone and didn’t like how Apple handled the newest iteration of the device. But the real reason was because the network was always failing me, usually when I needed it most. Constantly being unable to use any data, send texts, make phone calls, etc, even when it showed full bars. She asked, I told her. On to the excuses and canned customer service responses.

Well, there are plenty of other devices on AT&T. Thanks, all set with the Backflip. Pretty sure AT&T is still in business only cause of the iPhone, goodluck in January when Verizon gets its hands on it.

I’m not sure why it would show you had signal when you were unable to use the connection. Well, let me explain then. Basically its a result of too many users being connected to the same cell tower and AT&T not having large enough bandwidth on the backhaul to handle all the requests.

Well you could use wifi. Um, if I had wireless networks available to me 24/7 I wouldn’t need a cellular provider. That is the point of having a CELL phone. It isn’t a wifi-phone.

But AT&T has over 20,000 wireless hotspots available throughout the US. Yeah, apparently these aren’t in and around all the places I have issues and/or I didn’t have time to search for available wireless networks. Again, I want a cell phone that can access the internet without a hotspot, maybe AT&T should spend more money on their network and less on wireless hot spots to patch the problem.

There was a bit more to conversation, but I tried to be as polite as possible explaining everything but as you can see my patience was strained near the end. The last item she mentioned was the AT&T was working to improve service.. again, sounds good but I’ll believe it when I see it. She was a nice lady, just not very bright, and all I could think of was that she was the epitome of AT&T’s struggles as I spoke to her. Just doesn’t get it.

Anyway, I’d go back to AT&T in the future if they get their shit straight, or Verizon if they stop locking everything down like a totalitarian dictator and charging stupid amounts of money for everything you add to the plan.. especially if either gets LTE up and running, but for now I’m going to take my $70/mo all you can eat 4G wireless on one of the sickest phones I’ve ever seen. Yes, after 3 years with various iPhone models, including using the iPhone4, I can safely say the EVO running Android 2.1 (not even 2.2 yet!) is way, way ahead of anything the iPhone can do.