My return to the human race has allowed me to further investigate this Bush shoe throwing incident (http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/story?id=6463495&page=1). That was magnificent, but some thoughts:

1) After 8 years as leader of the free world, I respect only two moments of the Bush presidency: his solid first-pitch fastball at the Nationals game after September 11th, and his quick evasion of two point-blank shoes. I hope both are commemorated on some kind of plaque or mural at the Bush Library as the only two moderately successful moments in a devastating era.

2) I’d say my confidence in the Secret Service is at an all-time low. Given the guy’s press status, I suppose getting off one shoe is reasonable, but a pause, followed by a second shoe seems to be a bit much. Kennedy would be pissed, if he hadn’t been killed by a shot, a pause, then a second shot. Way to learn a lesson.

3) I have no evidence to support it, but I assume Obama would have caught the shoe, thrown it back, and killed the guy as in Bruce Lee’s “Enter the Dragon”. Then he probably would’ve slept with his wife. Again, I just project that as fact.

4) My absolute favorite part, however, is this little nugget from Bush’s post-shoe interview: “I don’t know what his beef is”. Good point, what’s his deal?

In fact, read that article, his whole interview is gold.