Normally wouldn’t bother posting this here, but it was a really good one. Simple, yet so powerful:
“I mean, I don’t even call it a hangover anymore. It’s just morning.”
Thanks to Kristen for that one.
Archive for the ‘General’ Category
Texts from Last Night
Friday, September 3rd, 2010Swype (not Sywpe) is Awesome
Thursday, September 2nd, 2010Katie: Swype?
Katie: is it the typing where you don’t pick up your fingers?
Rob: yup
Katie: ohhhhhhhhh
Rob: so fast
Rob: stupid fast
Katie: oh la la
Rob: gettin’ ignant wit yo textin’
Katie: shut up
Andy on Farmville and Voters
Wednesday, September 1st, 2010Me: “Farmville has almost ten million users now. Those ten million people can vote.”
Andy: “Well, the last election was separated by about eight and a half million votes, but I think you’re overestimating the overlap here. Of those ten million, I would suggest that two million or more are children, two million are far too lazy to ever actually leave the house and vote, and maybe two million are foreign. So of the ten million active users, maybe half that are also active voters, and frankly, the number of active voters who have no idea what a computer is (let alone a social networking site and accompanying game) scare me far more, and number millions more.
Like, for example: actual farmers. I question their judgment strongly.
Don’t get me wrong though, the people that participate in those games are wrong and should probably be exterminated with fervor.”
American Express FTW
Thursday, August 19th, 2010Rarely do I bother filling out customer satisfaction surveys, even less commonly do I fill them out with exemplary remarks. But recently I did so for Amex, and gave them 10s across the board. Let me explain.
American Express is one of the few companies I would wholeheartedly recommend to a friend. If you don’t have a card and/or are unfamiliar with how awesome they are let me drop a few knowledge bombs on you. First of all, the obvious one, you get rewards. I currently choose mine in the form of straight up cash back (automatically credited to my account each month, awesome). Second of all anything you buy has price protection. Yup, that new Apple iPhone you bought drops $100 in price a month later (first gen did)? Well Amex has got your back. I actually got money back from them AND Apple which was an epic double win. But I’ve definitely used this feature more than once, it rules. Lastly (out of this very short list of the myriad of awesome things they provide) they protect the shit out of your account. Occasionally I’ve been inadvertently shut off, like when I buy a ton of random expensive computer crap from various vendors, but I’ll take that any day over being out $1,500 like I would have last week. I got an email from them notifying me of suspicious activity on my account. Sure enough, somebody had jacked my CC number. Imagine my embarrassment as a security professional when I realized I let this happen. Regardless of the blame, they not only didn’t charge me for this, they didn’t let the errant charge go through, so they ass who tried to use my card didn’t get paid. Another double win. And for the record, I got an email literally the day after I resolved this from a hotel I stayed at saying they were breached. I fucking hate when companies are breached, get your shit together. Anyway, I felt a lot better about myself knowing I wasn’t at fault, and appreciated the irony of the situation given it is my job to make sure this doesn’t happen to companies.
If you are using anything but American Express to make purchases, you are an idiot. End of story.
Poison Ivy
Friday, August 13th, 2010This post isn’t entertaining, but it is informative. Many friends and myself several years ago decided to hack out a campsite amidst a bed of poison ivy, maybe this information will save you from making the same ill fated poor decision. I’m pretty much an expert on the matter now, so I’m only posting it because it is useful and very concise, speaking to a few key issues keeping it simple for all you idiots out there.
http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/graphics/08_13_10_poison_ivy/?p1=News_
When you aren’t spending three weeks with the worst poison ivy of your life, you can thank Katie for the article.
This Dog is Real
Wednesday, July 28th, 2010I met this little guy down the Cape last weekend, and I can assure you this is not a picture of an Ewok from Star Wars or a stuffed animal. Erica actually has a real life dog that hops around like a rabbit, and this is that dog. His name is Mishko, which means “teddy bear.” For realz.
Old Spice Wins the Internet
Monday, July 26th, 2010Here is a very rare example of a company doing it right when it comes to marketing. An impressive effort by Old Spice to go out and crush it for a couple of days making almost a hundred videos in response to various media personalities and bloggers around the country. Here is one example, but do some searching on YouTube and check out this article for the full details.
Roberta Gets a Job Offer
Thursday, July 22nd, 2010Good Afternoon Roberta,
My name is Gibby Maramis and I am one of the recruiter for CoWorx Staffing Services in Dover, NH. We are currently recruiting for a business development (lead generation) position. I would love the opportunity to talk to you about this position further. Please call us back at (603) 834-6002!
Thank you so much,
Gibby Maramis
Account Manager
40 Chestnut Street, Suite 2B
Dover NH 03820
Phone 603.834.6002
Fax 603.834.6006
gibby.maramis@coworxstaffing.com
“Together we’re better!”
www.coworxstaffing.com
I’m assuming this is a template email, so the fact there are grammatical errors in it is even more awesome. Anyway, I was feeling pretty cranky at the airport waiting for my flight when I wrote my response, perhaps I was too harsh given the fact she is probably a recent college grad who hates her life already? Maybe she will find the sarcasm amusing? I’m guessing she doesn’t even read all of it and quickly moves on with her life.
I’m not sure who Roberta is but I sure hope this position is still available despite the fact my name is actually Robert and I’m a male! It sounds awesome! Can you give me more details? I’ve always wanted a job in the middle of nowhere New Hampshire instead of downtown Boston where I currently live and work. And how did you know I totally want to leave my high tech security consulting position for entry level sales?? I’ve been dying to ditch my stock options, flexibly hours and nearly infinite supply of learning experiences for a chance to cold call my ass off all day. You’re sourcing must be exceptional and very carefully coordinated.
Can you please tell me how CoWorx (<– the intentional misspelling with the x is awesome, totally speaks to me and my extreme nature plus relates to my generation’s intolerance for complete sentences and general grammatical malice!) got my information so I can make sure to completely wipe my name from that database?
K thx bai!
-Rob (erta)
Goodbye AT&T
Monday, July 19th, 2010Hello Sprint.
After years of struggling to do basic things like send a text message, check my email, open a website, etc on AT&T I finally hung it up. I’d been with them since I was on Cingular and they merged, I bought the first iPhone and despite its shortcomings, loved it. But with the arrogance of Apple and their faulty new iPhone (I knew I could have gotten a bumper to solve my issues, and would have, but it was the principle of it) combined with AT&T’s massive failure of a cellular network.. I jumped ship to the EVO and haven’t looked back. No more being at sport events or concerts and having Katie’s Katana (flip phone on Sprint) be able to text and make phone calls while I’m left with a $600 paperweight cause the network is too congested. And don’t worry, she is getting an EVO as soon as they are in stock.. even though the Katana (shing!) is a bad ass phone. Pretty excited to be able to actually have service when it says I do, and for everyone that says Sprint sucks, in the last week I’ve been to middle of nowhere Maine, Boston, Northeast Ohio, Phoenix and around MA without any issues. Oh, and I pay $70 for unlimited everything. And I almost forgot, I’ll have 4G a year before any other provider throws it out there. Anyway this is all not the point of my post, I just had an awesome conversation with AT&T, breakups- they are always awkward, and wanted to write it down before I forgot how great it was.
I called in to tell them I was canceling my account, find out what my ETF was and make sure I don’t get billed anymore. The lady then asked why I was canceling. Oh man, where do I start. Told her I had an iPhone and didn’t like how Apple handled the newest iteration of the device. But the real reason was because the network was always failing me, usually when I needed it most. Constantly being unable to use any data, send texts, make phone calls, etc, even when it showed full bars. She asked, I told her. On to the excuses and canned customer service responses.
Well, there are plenty of other devices on AT&T. Thanks, all set with the Backflip. Pretty sure AT&T is still in business only cause of the iPhone, goodluck in January when Verizon gets its hands on it.
I’m not sure why it would show you had signal when you were unable to use the connection. Well, let me explain then. Basically its a result of too many users being connected to the same cell tower and AT&T not having large enough bandwidth on the backhaul to handle all the requests.
Well you could use wifi. Um, if I had wireless networks available to me 24/7 I wouldn’t need a cellular provider. That is the point of having a CELL phone. It isn’t a wifi-phone.
But AT&T has over 20,000 wireless hotspots available throughout the US. Yeah, apparently these aren’t in and around all the places I have issues and/or I didn’t have time to search for available wireless networks. Again, I want a cell phone that can access the internet without a hotspot, maybe AT&T should spend more money on their network and less on wireless hot spots to patch the problem.
There was a bit more to conversation, but I tried to be as polite as possible explaining everything but as you can see my patience was strained near the end. The last item she mentioned was the AT&T was working to improve service.. again, sounds good but I’ll believe it when I see it. She was a nice lady, just not very bright, and all I could think of was that she was the epitome of AT&T’s struggles as I spoke to her. Just doesn’t get it.
Anyway, I’d go back to AT&T in the future if they get their shit straight, or Verizon if they stop locking everything down like a totalitarian dictator and charging stupid amounts of money for everything you add to the plan.. especially if either gets LTE up and running, but for now I’m going to take my $70/mo all you can eat 4G wireless on one of the sickest phones I’ve ever seen. Yes, after 3 years with various iPhone models, including using the iPhone4, I can safely say the EVO running Android 2.1 (not even 2.2 yet!) is way, way ahead of anything the iPhone can do.
Email from Andy: Vigilant. Always Vigilant.
Tuesday, June 8th, 2010Please click here before reading the following.
[the above link is broken because Apple bought LaLa, the original music is in the video below]
So, in the harsh chill of early morning, some idiot bird smashes beak-first into the side of a ten story building and drops, listlessly to the sidewalk below, where it lays, stunned, all but certain to die.
But, somehow, it doesn’t.
Through some miraculous twist of fate, it clings to its meaningless life just long enough for three (equally idiotic) humans from my office to discover its dwindling-corpse on their way to smash beak-first into a box of donuts.
Putting their glossy heads together, these three mongoloids decide that they cannot conceivably allow this broken-winged simpleton to simply pass on. “No,” they bellow from beneath pillowy, crumb-coated jaws, “we must save it!” A noble endeavor, to be certain.
Scooping the crumpled pocket of bacteria into a rough wad of paper towels, and ignoring the basic responsibilities of their employment, the tard-triplets rush the fading creature to a local animal emergency room, which, by happenstance, is also a veterinary college.
“Save this bird,” they squeal, as if at the height of their own self-righteous orgasms. “Dammit, doctor, there’s no time!”
Confused and unimpressed, first responders humor the mentally-deficient three, pretending to rush the wild, over-populated bird into surgery at the expense of legitimate animals and actual emergencies. The odds are stacked against the poor invalid, but doctors are doing everything they can, rest assured. The three leave, hoping against hope that they got there in time. Hoping that perhaps a higher power is on their side.
When they get around to it, the triumvirate returns to the office, to the scene of the trauma. They are met with a heroes welcome… that they give themselves between enthusiastic pats on the back. While those around them toil and grind at their pitiless jobs, the magnificent three stare to the icy heavens, to the billowing clouds, knowing that today, they saved a life. They are lifesavers. They save.
In the depths of their soul they know that should the mighty bird pull through, should the college student operating on it with the expressed intent of developing experience for real-life emergencies succeed, then someday that bird will return to the skies.
Someday, mended, it shall take majestic flight amongst the clouds, where it will be free to soar, to live, to smash its idiot face into a giant fucking inanimate object once again.
And it will. Which is why we must be vigilant. Always vigilant.
