“I feel like I drank acid last night. Feel bad for me because I made idiotic decisions last night.

Follow up email:
Subject: “please send out a group email regarding your away msg thank you.”- Wonn

So, I met my friend Ian in Davis last night for what was supposed to be “a drink.” I completely failed at the “A” portion. After arriving, I met his hilarious friends, one of whom happened to be a female. Yup, as you may have now already realized, woman happen to be my elixir of poor choices. If one’s around, I’m going to be an idiot, which happens to suck for me, because they’re everywhere.

Anyhow, this girl just got a new job, so we celebrate…with shots of tequila…at 10:30pm. I have had 3 drinks prior to this at home and then 3 more beers at the bar, so when I have this shot, I am already blasted. I then follow this shot up with another shot and then am incredibly easily convinced that a dirty martini is in order. Girl: I’m considering having a martini since I don’t have to work tomorrow. Me: I’m having a martini.

Fast forward 2 hours and I am hammered drunk. Said girl and I agree to make out, but in private because we are classy and her ex bf is there. We leave the bar and proceed to make out in the park with creepy black face statues next to us because lord knowns Jim Crow = romance. Enough for me for the night? Not even fucking close.

Fast forward to 6am. I wake up in her fucking volcanic apartment off of Mass ave in Cambridge. I can’t find my socks. Maybe they are hiding with my dignity, who knows. I scamper out the door and down her labyrinth fucking stairs. I end up in the back yard. No big deal. Wrong. Fucking 18 ft fences surrounding me like I’m in Gitmo. I try to scale one, but see that there are only a string of further fences. Suddenly, a tenant appears. Thank God. Wrong a-fucking-gain. Said tenant is a GD Asian, non-American speaking idiot who can’t understand that my rumpled clothing and disheveled hair means that I am trapped in her internment camp backyard and need assistance so that I can get to work in time to be fired. After trying to communicate for many minutes, I finally just follow her like a serial killer back into the building and she points at the way out with a look that screams “if you try to rape me I will scream so loud that your ears will bleed.”

I manage to get home in time to be 30 minutes late to work, but just in time to make the meeting with my VP that I forgot I had to discuss how much I hate one of my bosses. Because of this, I’m sure that I convinced her that she should side with me. I’m eagerly awaiting Martha to call me and tell me how much I suck.

Yours truly,
JHM

Tags: jhm, poor decisions

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 11th, 2010 at 1:31 pm and is filed under Funny. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.